An idiots guide to living with robots
by gothgirl1313
Summary: Formerly Words to the Wise and How not to be killed by the giant alien robots. Hopefully, this will be the last title change. An insightful set of rules for surviving any time spent with the autobots. From flying wrenches to confetti cannons, this guide cuts through the insanity and shows you how to survive. Good luck! T for language.
1. 1-5

**I don't own the Transformers. **

**If you have an idea, jus drop me a review with your name and idear.**

**I have read a ton of stories on fanfiction. I made these on my own, but I may have accidentally taken I did, just tell me, and I'll give you credit. All my ideas get jumbled in my head and I don't know if it's mine or not.**

**Enjoy! **

**Or don't.**

**It's your call.**

My OC (Trixie)'s POV

1. Do not touch Ironhides canons if you value your life.

-I just thought it would be fun-

-Sunstreaker was also in on it with me-

-While Ironhide slept, I made some modifications-

-The next day, Sunny started to get on his nerves-

-He fired up his canons as a warning-

-Sunny just kept pushing him-

-With a growl, he fired at Sunstreaker!-

-To the surprise of everyone in the hanger, confetti flew out of his cannons!-

-Me and Sunstreaker ended up running away very _very _fast-

-Ironhide can really move when he wants to!-

2. Do not curse around Annabelle.

-It had really hurt-

-If Ironhide's big foot hadn't been there, I wouldn't have stubbed my toe-

-It was one word, that began with an s and ended with a t-

-Will looked at me murderously-

-Ironhide powered up his cannons-

-I don't cuss in the same room as Annabelle now-

3. Do not encourage Mojo to pee on Ironhide.

-I thought it was hilarious-

-Sam didn't-

-Neither did Ironhide-

Poor Mojo couldn't run very fast with those short little stubby legs of his-

-Sam wasn't very happy his dog was used as target practice-

-He made me fess up and tell Hide that it was me-

-Meanie-

-I ended up with first degree burns from a few close calls-

-I will get revenge on both of them!-

4. Mythbusters is forever banned.

-It's a great show!-

-I was watching an episode in the rec room with Sam and Mikaela when Wheeljack came in-

-Adam and Jamie had just made a boat from duct tape-

-While Kari Grant and Tory blew up a garbage truck-

-Unfortunately, 'Jack got some ideas-

-The duct tape boat wasn't the problem-

- The garbage truck was-

-After that incident, Optimus decided to ban Mythbusters-

-I do have one lingering question…-

-Where did 'Jack find a trash truck to blow sky-high?-

5. Jazz is not allowed to pick music

-Jazz says that he respects all types of music-

-One day, Sideswipe had to go on a recon mission for Prime-

-Being that my guardian and main form of transportation was gone, I borrowed Jazz to go to the mall-

-He asked me if I wanted to listen to some tunes-

-I told him he could play whatever he liked-

-I was not prepared for the screamo music that blared from his speakers at maximum volume-

-I panicked and yanked the wheel when I jumped-

-Even as a super powerful alien robot, Jazz barely missed the lightpole-

-He is no longer allowed to pick music when a human is driving-

**Well? Did you like it? Should I continue? Let me know! **

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	2. 6-10

****I don't own the Transformers. ****

****If you have an idea, please drop me a review with your name and idear. I promise it will appear in a future chappie. I have read a ton of stories on fanfiction. I made these on my own, but I may have accidentally taken I did, just tell me, and I'll give you credit. All my ideas get jumbled in my head and I don't know if it's mine or not.****

****A big big huge thank you to Answerthecall and Sexyandiknowitninjagirl for reviewing my work. This chappie's for you two. ****

****Enjoy! ****

****Or don't.****

****It's your call.****

My OC (Trixie)'s POV

6. Look down when walking if Wheelie is present.

-I was angry-

-I was stomping down the hall angrily-

-I didn't see him because I was angrily looking straight ahead-

-Now, I know how the autobots feel, always having to look down and watch for humans beneath their feet-

-Currently, I'm in Ratchet's Medbay as he pulls Wheelie's mini bullets out of my thigh-

-He could be gentler-

-Like using tweezers and anesthetic instead of pliers and tape-

-Ouch-

7. Don't fall asleep during an important meeting

-I had only gotten four hours of sleep that night-

-The result of watching too much Netflix-

-Unluckily for me, Opimus' lecture was really boring-

-I was sitting next to Will-

-Apparently, Skids noticed I was sleeping and told Optimus-

-Tattletale-

-Ironhide wanted to shoot me awake, but Will said no, he would handle it-

-By dumping a giant bucket of ice water on me-

-Needless to say, I was awake and alert the rest of the meeting-

-He will pay for that-

8. Don't overdue the revenge on Sam

-Bumblebee is overprotective-

-I got a spooky costume of a werewolf and snuck up behind Sam-

-Big mistake-

-He screamed like a girl and jumped ten feet straight up into Bumblebee's arms-

-Bee wanted to protect Sam-

-So he tried to shoot me-

-Second degree burns this time-

-Bee was very sorry-

-He said he didn't know it was me-

-Neither did Sam-

-He's been sleeping with the light on for a week-

9. Revenge on Ironhide is never a good idea.

-My second bit of revenge-

-Instead on confetti, this time I got balloons-

-Pink balloons-

-Ironhide was not pleased when he once again failed to kill Sunstreaker with his trusty cannons-

-He showed me he can still do damage without his cannons-

-Three broken fingers later, he got the "We don't harm humans" speech from Prime-

-I don't think Hide was listening-

-Getting your fingers reset really sucks!-

10. Do not "improve" Ratchet's throwing wrenches

-Ratchet has a special set of wrenches he keeps just to throw-

-I decided to do a little upgrade-

-You know, for the safety of the bots and such-

-Plus, I was tired of pulling dents out of Sides-

-So, the next time Ratchet heaved a wrench, he was expecting to make a crater in Sunstreakers arm-

-Instead, the rubber I'd put on the wrench made it bounce off-

-Sunny thanked me-

-Since I'm nice, and he's Sides' bro, I usually pull the dents out of him too-

-But no more! Ratchet's wrenches have safety upgrades!-

-At least, until Ratchet found me-

-He made short work of the rubber wrench covers-

-Then he made an excellent point-

-He is the base's doctor, and it's not a good idea to mess with him-

-He showed me the number of dangerous tools he has access to-

-He then explained in gruesome detail exactly what he could do to me with each one-

-He ended by telling me to watch my back-

-I haven't gone outside my room without Sideswipe in two weeks-


	3. 11-15

****YAY! Nother chappie! I could really use some suggestions guys, so please leave me some? Make my day!****

****Shout out to tolazytologinguy, Answerthecall, 2211Nighthawk, SunstreakersSquishy2.0, sexyandiknowitninjagirl, and muffinpenguin13 for you reviews. Thanks for taking a minute to make me smile! :)****

11. Nerf guns are banned.

-I was shooting a picture on my wall when it hit me-

-Nerf darts would stick to metal-

-I lived with a bunch of giant, METAL robots-

-Smiling, I grabbed my Nerf Firefly and headed to the hanger-

-Spotting my first target, I cocked my gun-

-Yelling a battle cry, I attached three darts to Prowls chest and face-

-He glitched on the spot-

-Smiling, I looked for my next victim-

-I spotted Skids and Mudflap-

-Perfect-

-They never knew what hit them as I planted at least four darts on them-

-Whooping, I looked around-

-I saw Ironhide-

-Somehow, I thought that was a good idea-

-Yelling, I ran up and shot one right at his face-

-It stuck on his forehead like a unicorn horn!-

-I tried to shot again when it dawned on me: My gun holds eight darts-

-And guess how many I'd shot?-

-Ding ding ding ding ding! Eight!-

-Ironhide plucked the dart from his forehead and regarded it-

-Then he looked at me-

-Thats when I decided to start running-

-Fast-

-But not fast enough, apparently-

-After that, Prowl banned Nerf guns-

-Crap-

12. Gum goes into trash cans.

-Sam was being lazy-

-He didn't want to find a trash can, so he spit his gum on the ground-

-Bumblebee just happened to be walking behind us-

-And stepped right in it-

-Sam didn't even bother to try and help his guardian to get the gum off-

-Bee thanked him for that later in the week-

-He took him to a McDonalds, which is Sam's favorite fast food joint-

-And then he left him there-

-Sam ended up having to walk the four miles back to base-

-He was not pleased when he got back-

-He shouldn't have been lazy-

13. Energy drinks are forbidden for obvious reasons.

-I love caffeine!-

-One day, while on base, I drank a can of monster that I bought from the vending machine-

-Approximately five minutes later, I was completely hyper-

-I started running around the base, screaming my head off-

-Along the way, I passed Sunstreaker-

-With a flailing arm, I raked my fingernails against his paint-

-He stared in shock for a second at his marred shin plate-

-And then he began to chase me, yelling obscenities and death threats-

-Ironhide saw us, and began to run behind Sunstreaker, using me for target practice-

-Then I decided to bolt through the med bay-

-Ratchet was not pleased, and started to chase me with his wrench as I ran out the other door-

-First Aid just stood there, mouth agape, as his mentor ran after the hyper girl who had dared invade his bosses med bay-

-I had a pretty good chain going on!-

-Except, I was losing my sugar high-

-But I had three mechs on my tail that all wanted to kill me!-

-I completely panicked and started screeching for Sideswipe-

-He took one look at me, taking in my convoy at the same time-

-Then he scooped me up and bolted for his room-

-He made it just in time to lock the door and prop a chair against it-

-I could still hear Hide, Sunny and Ratchet. banging on the door-

-Thank Primus for guardians!-

14. Spiders are not emergencies.

-I was just minding my own business one night, when it appeared-

-Hanging from the ceiling on a cord of silk-

-Directly in front of my face-

-One BIG ASS SPIDER-

-For a moment, we regarded each other-

-Then I flipped-

-I screamed as I jumped from my chair-

-I screamed as I tore out the door-

-I screamed as I ran towards the main hanger-

-I screamed as I passed Lennox and Epps in the hallway-

-I screamed as I bolted into the main hanger-

-I screamed as I ran and hid behind Sideswipe-

-I screamed as everybody whipped weapons out and asked me what was wrong-

-"SPIDER!" I screamed-

-Everybody stared at me a moment.-

-Prowl glitched-

-Sideswipe sighed and walked back to our room with me-

-He then bravely walked in as I held back-

-When he walked out, I asked for proof the spider was gone-

-So he opened his hand. The spider was in it, ALIVE!-

-I repeated the screaming incident-

15. Do not give your guardian the "Silent Treatment"

-I was still pissed at Sideswipe for the whole spider fiasco-

-So I decided to introduce him to the silent treatment-

-Two days ago, I stopped speaking to him-

-At first, he thought I was just being moody-

-But then he got worried-

-He started begging me to ta;lk to him-

-But I just shook my head and walked away-

-What I didn't expect was that it would hurt his feelings so badly-

-He seemed heartbroken that I didn't want to talk to him anymore-

-Whats worse, is that he saw me acting normal to Sunstreaker-

-He gave me another heartbroken face and walked back to our room-

-Goddamnit, now HE made ME feel bad!-

-it was supposed to be the other way around!-


	4. 16-20

**Heyo!**

**Review. people! Reviews are love. But I also need ideas. So, reviews can be lovely ideas.**

**Thanks to sexyandiknowitninja, answerthecall, and skyrimplayer for your awesome reviews. And no account, whoever you are, that's fine, as long as it isn't posted anywhere else.**

**On with the chapter!**

16. Never throw a wrench back at Ratchet.

-Sideswipe once again managed to annoy Ratchet-

-For the third time in the same day-

-So Ratchet grabbed a trusty wrench and clocked him with it-

-He really does have impeccable aim-

-Well, Sideswipe got an idea-

-As Ratchet turned, Sideswipe grabbed the wrench and heaved it back at Ratchet-

-Turns out, he has good aim as well. It nailed Ratchet in the back of the helm, effectively knocking him out-

-Sideswipe stared at him in disbelief before turning to me-

-Quickly, he transformed, opening his door. When I hesitated, he spoke to me-

-"Trixie, c'mon! I don't wanna be here when he wakes up!"-

-Just then, Ratchet moaned from the floor-

-Suddenly, the seatbelt reached out and grabbed my arm, pulling me inside and closing the door-

-Ratchet growled and began to get up-

-Geez, if looks could kill!-

-At this point, my loving guardian seat belted me in -

-After all, safety first!-

-Before he took off at speeds I didn't know existed-

-Luckily, we managed to ditch the Hatchet, since he was still pretty out of it-

-Unluckily, it took me three hours to get to puke off Sideswipe's floormat-

17. "Dumb ways to die" is banned

-I was minding my own business, listening to my ipod in the rec room-

-When Bumblebee comes in and asks me what i'm doing-

-I tell him I'm listening to dumb ways to die-

-His eyes dimmed slightly, as he looked it up-

-When they brightened again, I recognized the mischievous glint-

-It was the EXACT same look Sides gets before he and Sunny pull a prank-

-Adding to my concerns, he comes to ur room later in the night-

-Sunny's there too, since he shares a room with Sides. Then, I have my own room, which is connected to theirs by a small living room-

-Bee whispers something to them, and they both start to grin wickedly-

-The next day, I'm walking along, when suddenly the PA system starts blaring 'Dumb ways to die'-

-By the end of the song, everybody was relieved it was over.-

-But then it started playing-

-AGAIN-

-And after that?-

-AGAIN-

-And you guessed it! AGAIN after that-

-It took about that long for everybody to realize it was playing on a loop-

-This was ended abruptly, by Ironhide walking into the control room and shooting the PA system-

-Then, they looked at the security video, and saw the culprits-

-Currently, Sam and I are without cars and guardians-

-Bee, Sides, and Sunny are running for their lives from Ironhide, Ratchet, and the rest of the base.-

18. Sunstreaker's name is not "Lemon Head"

-Sideswipe thought of the nickname when he saw me eating a box of lemon heads-

-He began immediately calling his brother that-

-Then it started to catch on-

-Sunstreaker didn't like being called Sunny. He really hates Lemon Head-

-But now, the ENTIRE base was calling him that-

-He was starting to go a little nutsy-

-Finally he decided enough was enough when Optimus called him by his nickname-

-He charged into the rec room and tackled Sides-

-I started hitting him with a baseball bat, trying to keep him from killing my guardian-

-But he was REALLY REALLY pissed, and he ignored it-

-Poor Sideswipe. Bumblebee had to help him limp to Ratchet-

-Ratchet was not amused with the amount of work he had to do-

-He nicely told Sunstreaker that later on-

-By wrenching him in the head-

19. Screwdrivers are not weapons.

-I was mad at him-

-Again-

-I really don't even remember what he did, but I was PISSED-

-Sideswipe was standing in our living room, pleading with me to forgive him-

-But I was angry-

-I just wanted him to shut up!-

-So, I grabbed the nearest thing, which was a screwdriver-

-And I threw it at him as hard as I could, turning my back on him after I did so-

-I knew something was wrong when he cut off mid-sentence with a pained gasp-

-Apparently, I had thrown the screwdriver thru a crack in his armor and into his internal wires-

-Which is apparently very painful-

-Poor Sideswipe. It wasn't even his fault, but Ratchet threw a wrench at him anyways, because apparently the screwdriver was difficult to remove-

-How come everytime I get mad at him I regret it? -

20. I am not allowed to have window markers.

-This one was entirely my fault-

-I shared my idea with Siders, and he drove me to the store to get some supplies-

-Then, we waited for the right time-

-Ironhide was recharging in his vehicle mode-

-We moved in-

-A minute later, Ironhide had 'I'M ONLY SPEEDING BECAUSE I REALLY HAVE TO POOP' written on his back window in bold red lettering-

-Then we saw Optimus-

-He was also recharging in his alt mode-

-Sides looked at me. "I got this one" he said-

-I watched in awe as he went up to Optimus with a bleach white marker-

-Then he started to write on Optimus's windshield-

-Just as he finished and stepped back, Optimus woke up and began to transform-

-Everybody stared at their leader in complete shock-

-Because he had 'I'M SEXY AND I KNOW IT' written on his windshield, right on his chest-

-Me and Sides inconspicuously hid the markers behind our back-

-Optimus still doesn't know why everyone was laughing at him.


End file.
